He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
