Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize