dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
