Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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