Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
