P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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