Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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