its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
