we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
