just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think my moral compass just broke
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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