I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
