1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
