sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was like eating out sand paper
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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