Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize