Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
