I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
