Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
