her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
