I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize