Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
