I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
