he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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