I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
