i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
