haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
