So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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