I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
