Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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