Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
