thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize