My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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