Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
