I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
