throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
