i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
