New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You need a sexual gate keeper
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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