dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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