If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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