His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize