the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
