No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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