the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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