Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
