i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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