Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
