Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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