hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
