i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
