Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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