yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need moral support for this bender
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
