i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
