Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
