my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
