Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
