I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
