i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So vagazzling was a success
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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