Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
