I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
