Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i now understand why vodka
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
