It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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