and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
