the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
